Isn't there more to life than this? - Kathy Varol

Isn’t there more to life than this?

restless nagging
I had this nagging feeling inside for decades.
“Isn’t there more to life than this?”
I could feel, in my bones, that I had more to contribute.
But I busied myself with what was asked of me. I threw myself headfirst into solving the challenges put in front of me. That would feel good for a bit. I would know that I was doing something. Contributing something.
I would repeat the narrative that the work I was doing was important. And outside signals would confirm that narrative.
I knew others would love to work for the company I worked for. I knew I had landed a “dream job”. I knew I was important with my “insider” status. I knew I got to work on, and do, “cool” things. Meet cool people.
I knew others were jealous.
That made me feel important. Special.
I knew, I knew, I knew all of these things…..and yet….most days that nagging question was there. Always just below the surface.
“Isn’t there more to life than this?”
Occasionally, through the haze of busy—triple booked meetings, eating at my desk, trying to find a sliver of time to actually do the work—the mirage should shift just a fraction and I would glimpse how ridiculous this world I had entered—this world I helped create and perpetuate—really was.
We were creating cool and selling it as important. As status.
Jealousy, envy, scarcity, inequality….all tools in the toolbox to create the narrative of cool. To create desire from consumers. To reach our quarterly numbers, to keep the machine turning and burning.
We covet what we can’t have.
And when other’s covet what we have, for some reason we confuse that jealously. We misattribute it as an indicator of identity: I am special. I am cool.
Then why do I still feel empty? Why is it not enough?
Why is there a restless nagging saying “there must be more to life than this?”
Now I know, that restless nagging is a gift.
It’s telling you that you’re digging in the wrong place in hopes of finding the buried treasure. It’s telling you, no matter how hard or how far you dig, you won’t find what you’re looking for.
The truth is, the treasure was never buried.
The invitation for meaning, for more, has been whispering all along. It’s not hidden.
Lift your gaze off the hole you were digging. The hole that is—dig by dig—slowly becoming a grave.
Let yourself be still, as the haze clears and the surrounding comes slowly into focus.
Trust the knowing in your bones, as it calls you out of the hole, and pulls you in a new direction.
It will be scary. You know this already. Maybe that’s why you’ve been resisting it for so long.
What if you get it wrong? What if you fail?
It’s ok.
Accept that you will fail. In a million different ways, you will fail.
That’s how you’ll learn. That’s how you always learned before you were made to believe there was only one right answer. Before you were made to believe you were meant to follow, not create your own path.
The haze will continue to dissipate, and the path will become more clear as you start walking.
You were never meant to slowly die in a grave of your own digging.
There is more to life.
More meaning. More richness. More connection. More passion. More contentment. More fulfillment. More contribution.
Let go of what you’ve been told will bring fulfillment. If that were true, the emptiness, the nagging for more wouldn’t be there.
The only thing standing in your way is you.
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